


Out of Nowhere - Backstage (English Version)

by Beginner31



Category: not a fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28858362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beginner31/pseuds/Beginner31
Summary: The backstory to my Tom Holland fanfiction.Why did I write this story and what inspired me?
Relationships: Nothing - Relationship





	Out of Nowhere - Backstage (English Version)

Hello,  
It's taken me a while to figure out how I'm going to write this.  
I also don't know if the way I'm doing this will be well received, if I'll be declared crazy, or if just nobody will care. I just hope that this mini-story here might just bring you a little closer to why my story went exactly the way it did and why I wrote it in the first place.  
The reason I wrote my story 'Tom Holland - Out of Nowhere' is actually the most stupid reason there is in the world. But let's start from the beginning:  
I'm about to turn 18, finally of age, finally driving alone, buying alcohol and cigarettes alone. (No, I don't smoke! But these are THE big changes that the18th birthday brings with it).  
Problem 1 plagues mankind a little longer already. The Corona Crisis. When I planned my birthday party, where I wanted to celebrate my birthday with a bunch of friends, the corona numbers still allowed this without restrictions.  
But around mid-October, the daily cases suddenly start to skyrocket, almost every day there is a new peak in new infections. Within a very short time, I have to decide to cancel my birthday party, because I do not want to bear the risk of a possible corona hotspot.  
To be able to celebrate my birthday nevertheless, I separated several groups of friends and invited them on different days to do something together.  
On Sunday, the 25.10.2020 I write thus a group of 5 persons, evenly as many as it was only permitted at that time, and ask these whether they want to come on my birthday in the evening to do Raclette together, whereupon all five accept.  
At this time I am not at school with my friends, but in an internship, why I am already not so well, because the internship is extremely strenuous. I leave the house at 6 in the morning and come back at 6 in the evening. That's why I haven't had much contact with any of my friends lately.  
The next day, Monday 10/26/2020, I actually managed to make a date with a friend to go out for dinner in the evening.  
However, when I get home that evening to just quickly drop off my stuff, my father is sitting in the living room, sick. However, since there is no suspicion of Corona, I meet up with my friend anyway, which I will appreciate in hindsight, because when I get home from this meeting, my entire family is sitting in the living room telling me that my big sister, who still lives with us, has tested positive for Corona.  
So here comes problem number 2. 18th birthday in quarantine, well great.  
I still try to make the best of it and enjoy the fact that I don't have to go to this stupid internship anymore. Luckily there is Discord, Zoom, Skype, etc.. Therefore I can at least virtually celebrate my birthday with some friends.  
But when I wake up on Saturday the 31.10.2020, problem number 3 follows. Exactly on the morning of my 18th birthday, my sense of taste and smell have gone thanks to Corona. Otherwise I have no symptoms, only those two. So that evening I can't even enjoy the meal that I specifically requested, because even cardboard would taste exactly the same.  
None of my friends has time that evening, so we decide to play a game with the family, which goes to shit, because my mother and my sister are arguing.  
So as a replacement program, we now pick a movie. And what's under 'New on Prime' right at the front? Exactly. Spider-Man: Homecoming. So the choice wasn't hard to make.  
Up until this point, I didn't think Marvel was great, didn't know Tom Holland (He was merely suggested to me a few times on Instagram, but since I didn't even find him particularly attractive, so I kept clicking away), and up until this point, everything was normal.  
But at the point in the movie where Peter Parker is buried under a pile of rubble, an extremely strange feeling suddenly shoots through my body. I start to get extremely warm, my cheeks start to glow and immediately any thoughts about delicious food that I actually always have go away and I become extremely calm by my standards.  
So with this strange feeling in my stomach I now go to sleep and that very night it starts. I dream about Tom Holland.  
The next day I start watching any kind of videos and interviews with Tom Holland, I immediately also watch Spider-Man: Far From Home and in the evening I start writing the story 'Tom Holland - Out of Nowhere'.  
Actually, I had always managed to put anything out of my mind by confronting it until I just couldn't see it anymore, but in this case it had exactly the counterproductive effect.  
Instead of weakening, this feeling is getting stronger and stronger, since 01.11.2020, I eat only very sporadically, to nothing at all. In addition, any kind of sexual desire, has dissolved into thin air.  
After a few days, I finally understand what had actually happened to me. I had actually managed to fall in love with an actor.  
With an actor. Who didn't know me, or didn't have the slightest clue about my existence and whom I didn't even know personally, but only from movies.  
The fact, in whom I had fallen in love with, made it not exactly easier for my psyche, since I made myself reproaches, how stupid I must be, to fall in love with an actor.  
On top of that, I spent the first week and a half in quarantine and thus in complete exclusion of any publicity, and the four weeks after that I was still trapped in this crappy internship and thus had hardly any contact with friends who might have been able to cheer me up a bit.  
Since I was so embarrassed by this circumstance, I didn't tell anyone about it at first, but bursted out in tears every night because I just couldn't deal with the situation.  
Even the reunion of several of my friends after the internship hardly help me, and even when a friend comes home for a few days over Christmas, it does not really cheer me up.

Meanwhile, almost 3 months have passed since my 18th birthday and my life has once completely turned upside down. I am now 35 pounds lighter and go to the gym up to 5 times a week. Before I didn't even look at books with my ass, now I have voluntarily ordered two books.  
I've started editing videos and always try to keep myself as busy as possible so I don't get back into that rut of just lying in bed crying.  
So my life has completely turned 180 degrees only thanks to an actor.  
And why? Thanks to Tom Holland, the 24 year old british actor who I still can't get out of my head even after almost 3 months.  
Every time I think of him I get goose bumps. The only thing that has changed is that now I feel fine when I think of Tom Holland and tears don't immediately shoot into my eyes.  
The first 2 months I had cried almost every evening, or even in between, when I had to think about him again, because I just couldn't cope with the situation as it was and especially because I had to tell myself every time that this will never be something real. Because I have no chance to get close to him and even if I had the chance to meet him, it is very unlikely that he also likes boys and would reply my feelings within such a short time.  
But since I watched the movie 'The lost City of Z', which Tom Holland is also in, I feel much better.  
Despite the first two days afterwards, in which I felt even shittier than before, since the ending is a very hard one to digest anyway, and people who are not mentally stable already are thrown off track even more by it, I feel better again since then for a reason that is not clear to me.  
Since then I suddenly feel good when I think of Tom Holland. I get real feelings of happiness, although I don't know why. I still notice that my feelings for him haven't diminished at all, which I still think is stupid of myself, but at least I don't feel so bad anymore.

The story 'Tom Holland - Out of Nowhere' reflects a little, of course only relatively small, course of my feelings for him. In addition, writing this story has helped me a lot to cope with the situation, because every time I sat down to write something, I was brought back to reality and could control my emotions a little better.  
Furthermore, I also kept incorporating dreams I had of him and/or myself.  
Since 79 chapters are already quite a lot and another back and forth would be boring at some point, I decided to close the story at this point. So that evening I can't even enjoy the meal that I specifically requested, because even cardboard would taste exactly the same.  
None of my friends has time that evening, so we decide to play a game with the family, which goes to shit, because my mother and my sister are arguing.  
So as a replacement program, we now pick a movie. And what's under 'New on Prime' right at the front? Exactly. Spider-Man: Homecoming. So the choice wasn't hard to make.  
Up until this point, I didn't think Marvel was great, didn't know Tom Holland (He was merely suggested to me a few times on Instagram, but since I didn't even find him particularly attractive, I kept clicking away), and up until this point, everything was normal.  


Thanks for reading and maybe see you in next time.  
Yours Carsten

PS: I have linked you to one of my videos, which I now cut again and again. If you like such videos, feel free to have a look ;-)

PPS: I hope my english is ok so far. I am German, but would still like to publish this story in English as well and translate it now little by little.

**Author's Note:**

> I have already published the story I am talking about in German and will now gradually translate the chapters into English.


End file.
